Grand Humorous Speech and Evaluation Contests

I won both in-house humorous speech and evaluation contests at Grand Toastmasters Club this evening. For the humorous speech contest, there were only two contestants, Incumbent Presient Gina Cheng and Me. For the evaluation contest, there were five contestants, Tina Liang, Victor Chu, Jimmy Wu, Jimmy Chang, and me. The test speaker is Nailing Liu, she delivered a humorous speech to compare top model Lin Chi-ling and me. It was entertaining and inspiring.

****** I Believe I can Fly ******

Fly, fly, fly, I need the wind beneath my wings.（bang, jump from a chair）！I believe I can fly. And I got shot by FBI. That was my previous bird life!

Last Monday, early in the morning, (look at the watch), it was six o'clock. I was an early bird! Worms everywhere, mmm, mmm, yummy! Early birds got worms who stayed up late and got drunk! I felt dizzy~~

I was excited about the outing with four lady friends to visit the skywalk in Taoyuan at 8. "I am an early bird, I can take it easy," I thought to myself. (Hop on scooter, speed up! Bu bu bu)

Red light, Right turn, oh my god, it was too late when I saw two policemen ambushed behind a big tree!

"Driver's license, please!"
"Do I have to get a ticket? Please I just got fired and I'm late for my job interview!"

"Haven't you seen the red light?"
"I saw the red light, but I didn't see you!"

While I showed the policemen my license, I made a protest, "In toastmasters, when we see the red light, we have thirty seconds leeway."
"Okay, we will let you go this time, but please drive carefully and stop at any red light!"
"Yes, SIR, thank you very much."

Being an old Toastmaster bird, I used the advanced manual--interpersonal communication with success, I got myself free of the hook and saved NT$1800, wow! Am I not a good negotiator?

When I passed the Mos Burger, I smelled the good coffee. I really needed a cup coffee to wake me up after eating so many drunk worms. While I waited for my coffee, I took time to powder myself in the lady room.

What a good refreshing morning coffee break！ It's so nice to be an early bird! I can enjoy the splendid morning hours.

Back on the road again, Oh my god, where is my scooter key? Not in my bag, not in the truck, not in my pocket, where can it be? Maybe I left it in the toilette. I couldn't find it. Maybe I threw it away with my coffee cup. I dig the entire trash bag, I found a pair of reading glasses, a set of false teeth, and my scooter key. It's unbelievable, so many alzheimer birds flock together.

(look at watch) What, seven thirty, (bu~bu~bu), I speeded up all the way, ran yellow lights, ran red lights, ran green lights, (oh, oh, oh, move forward)!

There was nobody? How come? Did I mess up the gathering place? It was over 8, not even half a bird showed up?

I called Mary. "What? We have an outing tomorrow. Today is Monday!" If I could play the angry bird now, I could retrieve thousands of eggs stolen by evil green pigs. But think twice, isn't it wonderful to gain an extra day in life?

When I was a little girl, I loved bird watching. My father gave me a book to paint the birds. I didn't know how. I waited, waited, waited until one day my father told me to take the first step to draw the first bird.

"Everything starts from zero," he said.

I took his advise and I drew my first bird, and second, and third, one bird at a time. One day, to my surprise, I saw a whole garden in front of my very eyes. From then on, I did things with the bird story in mind. I believe in me. I believe I can fly. I believe I can do it!

Fly, fly, fly, fly high to see the whole garden. YES, believe in ourselves! Believe we can can fly. Watch out FBI! Everyday is an extra day in our life, everyday is a garden in our eyes!