Arbor Day

It's rainy and chilly on Arbor Day (植樹節) in Taipei, Monday, 2012. Arbor Day has a special meaning to me, because my parents got married on Arbor Day in 1955 and I was born in 1955.

Arbor Day is a traditional holiday in the Republic of China since 1927, to commemorate the passing of Dr. Sun Yat-sen. Arbor Day in the spirit of Dr. Sun has been celebrated on March 12 for this purpose.

If not for the rain, I would invite family and friends to see the cherry blossom at 無極天元宮. It's a perfect hanami day to appreciate the Yoshino Sakura in Taipei on Arbor Day.

Tellus Theater 102

2nd Class--March 11th--Neutral Masks, Clowns, Red Light, Green Light
Toastmaster Piao Lin of Formosa Toastmasters Club spotted me on my scooter just when I turned to Alley 34 of Yuan-chou Street. "Where is the O Space?", Piao asked. "Just follow me," I responded.

Piao and I were the first two students at the second audition workshop at the O Space at 1PM sharp. In no time, a group of young and beautiful women led by Toastmaster Nate Murray Alvarez from Sunrise Toastmasters Club walked in. I saw a few familiar faces among them, including a couple of members from Legacy Toastmasters Club. It was a full house of 20 attendees this afternoon, March 11th.

We started with warm-up staging exercises with music, followed by the killers and victims games. Then we played Red Light, Green Light and learned to freeze. We played the French version by calling out "Un, deux, trois, Soleil" and waited for a few seconds to catch those in motion. It was also a popular children game "123木頭人" for Chinese.

Daniel divided us into two groups to play with masks (neutral white faces). It was challenging for me to act neutral and stand still with a fixed posture for more than 10 minutes. I was so impressed by some of the experienced young talents. They could act still life for an extra long period of time.

In theater training, the neutral masks are used to understand the balance of body and mind. Those who wear masks should relax the facial muscles, let the masks become eyes, and the bodies become faces. We could rediscover our bodies by wearing the masks and slow down everything around us. After we understand the balance of body and mind, we could act out the unbalance or conflict state of body and mind. 

After working on smart Bouffons at the first audition workshop, we worked on stupid Clowns at the second audition workshop. We were a group of three on stage each time, because Daniel had only three red noses. It was another challenge for SMART me to play a stupid and funny clown. I must learn to lie low to make people laugh at my ACT.

In the future, Daniel would add more workshops for those who are committed to act in his play. We would learn gender games, men play women, women play men. Two voice auditions are scheduled the next two Sunday afternoons for the roles to play in Daniel's new Italian play in May, followed by a series of intensive rehearsals from April the 8th.

After the workshop, Daniel led us to his favorite Hakka family restaurant in the neighborhood. He nicknamed the shop "NO SMILE", because nobody worked there wore smiles, from the chef to the busboy. The Hakka family members are Majime (真面目), therefore their food meant business, it was super delicious!

After dinner, Daniel led his clan to the Love Cafe' in Yungho, I called it a night, because of my running nose. On my way back to the O Space to fetch my scooter, I saw a big parade of deities with heavy makeup and colorful costumes. It's the 19th day of the 2nd month lunar calendar, the birthday of Guanshiyin "Observing the Sounds (or Cries) of the World".

Bo Peep Bo Peep Púsà Bo Peep
Bo Peep I can play a bouffon
Bo Peep I can play a clown
Bo Peep I can be in a play

Tellus Theater 101

First Class--March 4th--Four Elements, Colors, Bouffons, Animals
Life is but a Play! All the world is a stage, and all the men and women are merely players; they have their exits and their entrances!

When Toastmaster Bill Wan invited me to participate in the audition workshop with Director Daniel Ingi Petursson of Tellus Theatre, I jumped at the chance. At last, it is time I left the seat in the audience to know what theater is about by setting my foot on stage.

At the first audition workshop at O Space from 1PM to 5PM Sunday, March 4th, Daniel taught us the theater basics. We started with warm-up exercises, to know the space, to know the stage. Then we learned the positioning through role plays with different partners. We learned how to interact with others, we learned to be expressive, creative, relaxed, and to make magic on stage.

After we worked with major-minor, we tried the killers & victims game. I found it hard to act "dead" naturally. When I was ambushed on the street, I heard my heart pumping hard lying on the rubber floor, I just couldn't help laughing. Maybe I should try meditation to slow down my heart beat to act "dead" better. It was not easy to act "dropping dead", two teenagers lads really did the stunts well.

Then Daniel instructed us to improvise the elements (air, water, fire, earth) and the colors (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet, purple) to expand our theatrical vocabulary with emotions and movements. Sometimes we work individually, sometimes we work in a group of two or three to set free our minds and bodies. It's challenging and fun! Once a while, I just burst into laughter on stage with my partner(s)!

When Daniel taught us how to act Bouffon, he hid his hands in the sleeves, bent his back, spit out, and snickered. We followed his act of Bouffon by twisting our bodies to make face to make fun of people. Bouffon is a specific style of performance work that has a main focus in the art of mockery.

Then Daniel asked us to sing, I sang a small part of Habanera (aria). Daniel asked me to memorize the whole song in order to perform in his new play. That is easy, I already knew the entire lyrics of "L'amour est un oiseau rebelle" by heart. I can dance flamenco Carmen, too.

Even I have no idea what roles Daniel needs for his new play, I look forward to the second audition workshop to learn more about theater basics. I want to acquire the body language to build the tension in the audience. I want to know more about myself and people around me.

After the first audition workshop, Daniel, Susan, Bill, Nate and I had Cantonese food for dinner. Then Bill went to his Chinese Drama class. Nate called it a day. Daniel, Susan and I continued our gourmet journey to have tangyuan (rice balls in soup of red beans) for dessert in Wan-hua, followed by a cup of espresso at Love Cafe' in Yung-ho. If Susan were not tired, we would have continued our night with a drink or two at a South African pub in Yung-ho.

At the Love Cafe', "She is a beautiful woman," Daniel commented when I mentioned about Meryl Streep winning Academy Best Actress Award 2012. I made up my mind and told myself, "yes, I want to be that beautiful woman, a woman who knows how to express herself, a woman know knows how to play her role, a woman who knows how to be in control."

"A smart woman is a beautiful woman in the eyes of any gentleman," I believe firmly. No matter how old we get, we have a role to play, and to play it smart and well. What I want to accomplish one day is to produce a short skit to play all roles Meryl played, the Hours, Mamma Mia, the Iron Lady.

On 228

Sitting by the window at JYT's Home Tuesday afternoon, I gazed at the tip of Taipei 101 vanished in the veil of mist on 228. Would visitors on Taipei 101 Oberservatory see me looking in their direction when they experienced a new horizon through a telescope in my direction?

After the WWII, everyone was broken and depleted. The fear of communist espionage (the McCarthyism) was everywhere in the world, including Taiwan. In 1947, an anti-government uprising in Taiwan that began on February 27, was suppressed by the KMT government. The 228 incident marked the beginning of the KMT's White Terror period in Taiwan, concurrently the Second Red Scare (1947-1957) in the US.

On the fourth day of the long weekend of 228, Toastmaster Trini Ding invited golden ladies Toastmasters to her home for a gathering to welcome Toastmaster Pamela Yang back to Taipei for a short stay. As JYT's Home has only two residents from abroad, we had the whole lounge to us to have fun!

I was the first one to arrive at 2PM sharp. As soon as I saw a Mandarin textbook on the table, I stuck a conversation with the resident from Australia who signed up a Hwayu course at Shida. I told him that Chinese characters are not hard to learn as long as you know how to decipher them. If I can type Chinese characters with the keyboard, so can foreigners without relying on pinying.

Pamela arrived with her parents and niece at 2:30PM. Kate arrived at 3PM. Pamela brought Camembert and Kate brought a box of preserved plums. Four golden ladies had a cheerful chitchat for what happened in the past month on a chilly rainy afternoon.

After Pamela left, I took out my walky Kara to practice sining with Kate. Kate knew many classic early 1900s popular songs. While we were singing, Trini and David, the resident from Canada worked diligently on their laptops. Four of us were like in a classroom of a graduate school, sitting in line at the lounge of JYT's Home, getting ready for our presentation.

Trini was a fantastic hostess as always. She made an early dinner for Kate and me, steamed rice, stewed chicken legs, eggs, and fried jelly ears. David was invited to join us. Even Taiwan was David's first foreign country, he didn't hesitate to try out everything. We had a great time savoring the delicious meals Trini prepared for us like preschool children nibbling their afternoon snacks.

In the evening, Kate and I went to Dr. Sun Yat-sen Memorial Hall to see the Dream of the Red Chamber (紅樓夢) performed by Beijing Northern Kunqu Theatre. Dream of the Red Chamber published in 1791 is the masterpiece of Chinese vernacular literature. The novel is also known as the Story of the Stone (石頭記). I liked the theatrical opening of the Kunqu Opera with a piece of LCD stone left by Nuuwa who ment the broken heaven.

While seeing the opera, I was wondering what if I could go back in time to live with the Jia Clan under the roof of the Red Chamber, which one around the 12 Jinling ladies I would be? Not sentimental Lady Daiyu, for sure, I wouldn't want to live in the dark to feel pathetic about my destiny. Not compromising Bao-tsai, either, I wouldn't want to marry a man to hurt another woman! Maybe romantic and carefree Lady Hsiang-yun, just maybe. Who would want to live in the old China where women had little room for personal growth and self development?

JYT’s Home

Toastmaster Trini Ding's major was Spanish in college, she named her recently jointly established HOME with Toastmaster Jo Shih, JYT's Home—Jo y Trini's Home. I liked their lounge very much, a perfect place for my flamenco performance to add the frantic and passionate southern European atmosphere to the cozy little Spanish home at the center of downtown Taipei.

It was the first time I visited JYT's Home, to attend China Toastmasters Club's meeting this evening. I arrived at 6PM, one hour earlier to practice singing with my walky Kara. Jo brought two sexy batik costumes for me to try on. I didn't hesitate to put the more bling bling and transparent one on me. When IPDG Mike Yang walked in, he asked me "what is the occasion?" I guess I must have looked too dressy for a regular Toastmasters meeting.

I was at JYT's Home for three reasons, to visit JYT's Home for the first time, to pay a visit to a friend Toastmasters club's meeting once a while, and to support my long time French teacher for his keynote speech on Tour in France at China Toastmasters Club. I hope one day he can lead a Toastmasters group tour to visit France. I shall be the first one to sign up. During the intermission, I was thrilled to be called upon to sing Happy Birthday song in French for four birthday stars in January and February with my bling bling batik costume in the name of a birthay party!

The huge distinctive birthday cake was a homemade Apple Pie by Jo. Inside the pie, there were many big chunks of apple sautéed with cinnamon. They were simply yummy. The crust outside and on the top was thick and crispy. It was the best apple pie I'd ever had in my life. Jo made it extra delicious because she was one of the birthday stars!

After the Toastmasters meeting, I hang around with Jo y Trini until 10:30PM. We chatted merrily about the management and prospective of JYT's Home in the future. In my opinion, JYT's Home is the place of choice for educational, entertaining, and social functions.

JYT's Home provides a convenient show room for artists to present their master pieces of works. JYT's Home offers a lovely lounge for performing artists to give a fashion show, a recital, or a chamber concert. JYT's Home is the stage for Toastmasters to stand tall and to speak up. I've booked JYT's Home for the countdown party on New Year Eve 2013. Everyone in town is cordially invited!

Taiwanese Folk Songs

"Ms. Ji Lu-xia (紀露霞) is a family friend, she often comes to our house to play Mahjong", Brother Jimmy told me at dinner this evening, "when Mum is still alive, she and Ms. Ji go to dinner gatherings with wives of retired air force men every month."

I met Ms. Ji for the first time in my life when I started the four lessons (2/15, 2/22, 2/29, 3/7) of Taiwanese Folk Songs with her at Taiwan Music Center Wednesay evening, February 15th. After Associate Professor Stone Chi-shen from Soochow University gave a lecture on the Taiwanese folk songs in 50's and 60's from 6PM to 7PM, Ms. Ji told us her story as a singer, taught us the vocalization skills, and demonstrated how to sing "Longing for the Spring Breeze (望春風)" for two hours, from 7PM to 9PM.

It was a class of 30 students, men and women, young and old. Every student was enthusiastic to articulate the most famous Taiwanese folk song. Ms. Ji at the age of 73, has a beautiful voice with a remarkable vital capacity. It was blissful listening to her singing at a close distance.

Life is mysterious. A stranger on the street may turn into a close friend in life. A stranger in the classroom may turn into a spouse (the case of my husband). A stranger in a music class may be connected to our family member. It's my hope I can learn the Taiwanese folk songs diligently with Ms. Ji to rember my beloved mother! Maybe I can invite Ms. Ji to come to Brother Jimmy's place for dinner one day!

Postscript:
望春風
獨夜無伴守燈下，清風對面吹，十七八歲未出嫁，當著少年家
果然標緻面肉白，誰家人子弟，想要問伊驚歹勢，心內彈琵琶

想要郎君作尪婿，意愛在心裡，等待何時君來採，青春花當開
聽見外面有人來，開門該看覓，月娘笑阮憨大呆，被風騙不知

English Translation
I was alone waiting under a lamp, when the spring breeze blew on my cheeks.
In the teen I was still single, fancying young men of my age.
Indeed handsome and cute he was, which family was he from?
wishing to chat with him, but the butterflies in my stomach played pipa.

Wanting him for my prince charming, I hid the love in my heart.
Hoping one day he would come pick the bloomy flower.
Heard someone coming, I opened the door.
The moon laughed at me for being an idiot, as I was tricked by the breeze.

日本語訳 戀心
靜かな春の 宵なのに 秘めてた戀の 悩ましさ
今宵はあの人 來るかしら 切ない胸の このさわぎ

わたしは戀の 蕾なの 春風吹けば　　咲きませう
微かな音に 出て見れば ほゝえむ月が 憎らしい

Spring Breeze was dubbed in Japanese 大地は招くin 1941 by 越路詩郎.
アジアに狂う　木枯らしも
　　　いつしか止みて　あおぐ日に
五色の旗も　手に映えて
　　　青空たかく　ひるがえる

はてなき大地　燃えいずる
　　　吾らの力　いま見よと
緑の野辺に　鍬とれば
　　　うれしや口も　微笑みむ

のび行く國の　若人と
　　　生まれし甲斐に　この體
御國に捧げ　いざゆかむ
　　　大地は招く　日が至る

In 2010, Spring Breeze was dubbed in Hakka 客家魂 by 李彥輝.
獨身過海生命搏 不忘祖宗言
客家文化內涵多 客妹壯又膽
勤儉煞猛合心和 命運就會變
毋驚土地憨落破 前途大家展

Valentine’s Day

What a Happy Valentine's Day in 2012! Oceans of gratitude to Toastmasters Michelle Liu for proposing a Valentine's dinner for Golden Ladies. Be it exciting to spend a romantic Valentine's day with beloved ones, it's more gratifying to spend a lighthearted Valentine's evening with close ladies friends.

My Valentine's day in 2012 was exclusive. In the morning, I went to Hsin-tien women's association to discuss about my singing performance at the Spring Party Thursday morning, February 16th. At noon, I had my hair made at the beauty parlor in my neighborhood. In the afternoon, after the flamenco dance class, I went to Gongguan MRT station to have the manicure at Catnail. Manicurist Smile recommended French nails. I liked her exquisite golden lines of French smiles, perfect for Valentine's day full of smiles.

When evening arrived, Golden Ladies Toastmasters gathered for Valentine's dinner at Grandma Nitti’s Kitchen, followed by a short stop at Oldie Goodie Pub, and ended up shopping caps at a small boutique in Shida Night Market. We must have tried on all the caps in the store before Michelle and I bought three caps, Lydia bought two. It's golden ladies special Valentine's evening to remember the famous Taiwanese Queen Hat Singer Feng Fei Fei who passed away from lung cancer on January 3rd in Hong Kong.

I plan to organize a concert for golden ladies and friends to sing Fei Fei's hit songs, 流水年華, 奔向彩虹, 掌聲響起, 好好愛我, 想要跟你飛, 相思爬上心底, 你家大門, 出外的人, 祝你幸福, 心肝寶貝, 月朦朧鳥朦朧月, 月夜情, 松林的低語, 我是一片雲, 燕兒在林梢, 想要跟你飛, 追夢人...

Spring Wine Party 2012

Grand Toastmasters Club President Gina Cheng hosted a Spring Wine Party for club members and friends at her sweet home today. I brought along the star fruit wine I made in Po-tzu last year! Despite the heated Makiyo's news about her drunken assault of a taxi driver, we had a great drinking gathering, singing Drinking Song of the Student Prince. In total, we drank four bottles of wine, one bottle of homemade star fruit wine (2011), two bottles of El Lagar De Isilla (2010) contributed by Jimmy Chang, one bottle of Dornfelder (2009) contributed by Erin Ke.

Like always, Gina prepared a full table of delicious dishes. She knew the best way to retain her members by seizing their stomachs. Victor brought his small guitar and we sang along with him. The happy drinking and singing Spring Wine Party didn't end till 3PM.

Drink, Drink, Drink(Drinking Song) Mario Lanza

Eins zwei drei vier Nip your stein and drink your beer
Eins zwei drei vier Nip your stein and drink your beer

Drink! Drink! Drink!
To eyes that are bright as stars when they're shining on me!
Drink! Drink! Drink!
To lips that are red and sweet as the fruit on the tree!

Here's a hope that those bright eyes will shine
Lovingly, longingly soon into mine!
May those lips that are red and sweet,
Tonight with joy my own lips meet!

On my way to Gina's home, my scotter was out of order. I had to stop by a motorcycle shop to have it fixed. The rubber band circulating the engine was hardened and broken. Fortunately, I could borrow another scotter to get to Gina's place in time. After the party, my scotter was ready to take me home. What a lucky me today!

Today is the National Hakka Day, the 20th day of the first month of year of dragon, lunar calendar. It's called the Mend the Heaven Day (天穿日) by Hakka people.

After God Panggu created Heaven and Earth, Goddess Nuuwa undertook the affairs on earth to make it prosperous. On the first day, she created chickens; on the second day, dogs; the third day, goats; on the fourth day, pigs; on the fifth day, oxen; and on the sixth day, she created horses. On the seventh day, using yellow dirt and water, Nuuwa made clay figures in her own image. She made many living beings that we now call humans.

But the good life did not last for long. One day, God Water and God Fire had a fight. God Water lost and hit Mt. Bu-chou, the pillar to support Heaven. Heaven suddenly collapsed and the Earth cracked open. Nuuwa was so pained by the suffering of the human beings that she ment the broken heavens in seven days and seven nights. Heaven and Earth were good again, and life for human beings returned to peace and harmony.

Hakka Language

I couldn't understand what the teacher taught about in class. I couldn't follow the handouts. After I walked in the class in a chilly rainy evening, I sat down at a seat at the back of the classroom Friday evening, February 3rd. I wanted to be invisible!

I was at lost, feeling like a foreign bride in a Mandarin class full of strangers and foreigners. I was the only mainlander among 30 Hakka people, ten men and 20 women! Wow, in what way, I could survive here. In what way, I could take the first step. I want to deliver a prepared speech in Hakka in Toastmasters. It's my new year's resolution in 2012.

I decided to move to the front seat to shorten the gap between the teacher and me. I wanted to acquire the language as quickly as possible. I learned how to say "I" in Hakka. Then, I learned more words! I gradually got the feelings of pronouncing Hakka, like the mixture of Taiwanese and Mandarin. At the end of my first Hakka class, I sang a Hakka song "Hiang-cin 相親" without reading the notes and won a big round of applause from the floor.

Ask me why I become interested in the Hakka language! It's after I joined a group of Hakka people to worship the Hakka ancestors in Fukien in October in 2011. I met many Hakka friends and I joined the Hakka Association. I hope I can visit China with them again every year!

In Taiwan, it's convenient to learn Hakka. Firstly there are many Hakka people around us. We don't have difficulities to find partners to practice the language. Secondly, there are many free Hakka classes at the community schools. Thirdly, there are many Hakka events organized and sponsored by the government.

Now I won't skip the Hakka TV channel. When riding on MRT, I shall pay attention to the announcement in Hakka. After I can sing a few Hakka folk songs by heart, who knows, maybe I shall participate in the singing contest in Hakka in the future!

An Extraordinary Silver Anniversary

Within simplicity lies the sublime.

As far as I can remember, my husband and I celebrate our wedding anniversary for the first time this evening. It's our 25th anniversary.

My husband didn't give me any gift, I don't need anything particular, either. He fried a piece of homemade glutinous cake (year cake) for snack before the bedtime. He gave me a smile and thanked me for being home on our silver wedding anniversary!

From 25th Silver, 30th Pearl, 40th Ruby, 50th Golden, 60th Diamond, I wonder what I would have for snack before bed time on our diamond wedding anniversary!

Kissing Corns on Foot

I didn't scream on the surgical bed this time. I knew how much it hurt from my first experience in 2004. I held my breath when the surgeon injected a local anesthetic into the kissing corn on my left foot Tuesday afternoon. It took less than 15 minutes to remove the tiny soft corn and sew up the lesion with two stitches. Dr. Tsai was pleased with his esthetic work and ordered a biopsy of my kissing corn!

I saw the nurse put the surgically removed corn in a bottle for formalin with my very own eyes. The hard part at the center of the corn resembles a barley hare, that is, a funnel with a broad raised top and a pointed bottom. Because of their shape, corns intensify the pressure at the tip and cause deep tissue damage and ulceration. Just imagine walking barefoot on a needles bed!

It was the second time I had the corn on foot. During the SARS period in Taiwan in 2004, I went to Italy to study the Italian language for three months. I developed a corn (chances are, a hard corn) on the outer part of the big toe of my left foot, because of my intensive traveling in Milan for one month, in Florence for one month, with my tight sneakers. When I was in Rome, I had to purchase a pair of sandals to walk. I was eager to come home.

The moment I arrived in Taipei, I went to the Cardinal Tien Hospital for a surgery immediately. The doctor warned me the consequence of the surgery, I couldn't wear high heeled shoes again. So he prescribed a bottle of salicylic acid for topical treatment. In the end, I went to Jen-ai Hospital to have the corn removed with liquid nitrogen. I don’t have any obvious inconvenient consequences. I wear 3 inch heeled shoes without any difficulties ever since.

My second encounter with corn on foot took place two months ago. The kissing corn formed between the fourth and fifth toes of my left foot. It's said to be the most common place for forming a corn (soft corn) on foot. Corns on foot are like cones pointing down into the foot's skin. They are mainly caused by excessive pressure and friction. Pressure and friction together stimulate the skin of the feet to thicken (in order to protect itself), but when the pressure and friction do not let up, the corns becomes very sore.

There are two kinds of corns on foot. Hard corns, also called heloma durums, are very common, as they result from wearing ill-fitting shoes and sometimes. Hard corns usually form on the tip of the toe and on the sides of the foot. Soft corns, also called heloma molles or kissing corns, frequently formed between adjacent toes. They stay moist, keeping the surrounding skin soft. The corn's center is however indurated. Soft corns can also stem from wearing high-heeled shoes that have narrowing toe boxes.

Both hard and soft corns find home on my left foot (how lucky I'm to get to know all about corns on foot). Maybe my left foot is bigger than my right foot. I am a left footed person. No matter if I play Hopscotchit, or I play soccer, my left foot works more dexterously than my right foot.

My landlady Gionnina in Rome wears special orthotics to help her redistribute and transfer pressure on the foot. Now I know why she needs good and expensive orthotic to take weight and pressure off the target areas of corns on foot.

The surgery of the second corn on foot was performed successfully by Dr. Tsai Chung-liang, the Superintendent of Chung-hsiang Hospital in Chung-ho. Why I have a surgery in Chung-ho in the first place? As a pharmacist of Taiwan Biotech Pharmacy-Chung-hsiang Branch in Chung-ho, I know most medical staff at the next door hospital.

Having the surgery at Chung-hsiang Hospital is like having a surgery at home. I was pampered by four staff members, including two assistant nurses, one chief nurse, and one surgeon. They took turns to cheer me up by telling stories and to chitchat with me during the operation.

After the operation, Dr. Tasi trimmed another piece of skin off my left sole carefully when he knew that I am a flamenco dancer. I felt extremely painful, but I didn't ask for the second local anesthetic. I knew I could recover better without another shot. But I did scream a little this time. Dr. Tsai did his best to make sure I can put on my flamenco shoes to perform at the Hero Culture Center in June this year.

Corns on foot are infected by Human Papilloma virus, HPV. As an expert on DNA virus (my research speciality is Herpes), I know HPV infections are recurrent. Now after the sole surgery by an A+ plastic physician, it is my turn to be an A+ patient. I need to avoid constant stimulation of the tissue producing the corns. I should try conservative footwear with extra toe space. No third encounter with the corn on foot ever!